Today is Independence Day, but my family celebrated it on Saturday. We went to a big celebration for the city to eat picnic food, play games, and watch fireworks. It was fun, for the most part. Mei wasn't (and still isn't) speaking to Katia, so Justin took Mei and Ana to ride some carnival rides. Katia didn't want to ride rides because she gets motion sick really easy, apparently. Mom has to give her Dramamine every time we are going to be in the car for more than about 10 minutes. Dad was doing some networking for work, and mom decided to go with him, but she said Katia and I could walk around as long as we stayed together. We saw some friends, but Katia clung to my hand and hid behind me, so we only talked to them for a few minutes. She finally told me that she's shy because her English isn't very good yet. I think she speaks fine, but I'm used to teaching Ana English. So, after we talked to my friends, we decided to get some food. I got a grilled chicken sandwich, which was the healthiest possible option. Katia got a hot dog, which are really popular in Russia. Actually, she got 3. She's still adjusting to the healthy stuff we eat at home. Then, we watched people play games. Katia said we shouldn't waste our money. Finally, it got dark and the fireworks started. I wasn't sure how Katia would react to them, but she liked them a lot. Later that night, when we were in bed (she likes being close to me), she whispered that the fireworks in Russia are much bigger and better. I laughed because I was glad she was so honest, but it hurt her feelings. I tried to explain that her comment made me happy, but she turned away. I could hear her crying, so I put my arms around her. She let me snuggle her though, so I took it as a good sign.
On Sunday, Katia was completely silent until it was time for me to sleepover with a friend. Then, she cried because she didn't want me to go, but mom said I should go. Honestly, I was kind of glad because Mei is still really mad at Katia for being a better skater, so she's being mean to everyone, especially me because Katia likes me so much. It makes me sad because Mei is usually really sweet and is my best friend. Ana keeps trying to make things better, but it mostly makes things worse. When I got home today, mom said things didn't go well and maybe I should not sleepover at friends' houses until Katia adjusts a little more. Normally, I wouldn't mind, but at the sleepover I got invited to another sleepover at a middle school girl's house. And, I really want to go! I want to like my new sister, but things are really hard!
Sorry that was so long! If you read it all the way through, please give me some advice!
hey Keesha!
ReplyDeleteSounds like it's kinda rough over there right now!
Maybe you could have a sleepover for just you, Katia, and Mei? I know you live together, but you could do all the things you do at sleepovers with them. Maybe it would help them get to know each other better, and Katia wouldn't feel so left out if you went to your friends'.
Hi Keesha! Man that sounds rough. You're put in the middle. Do you think maybe if you found something Mei was better at than Katia it would make Mei feel better? I'd suggest having Katia teach Mei, but I don't think she'd like that. :(
ReplyDeleteBoth good suggestions! Thanks! Right now, Katia is clutching my shirt in her sleep. She hasn't left my side since I got home. Maybe I will have some luck tomorrow. We aren't going to be at the rink at all, so maybe I'll have a chance!
ReplyDeleteKeep the suggestions coming! :)
Wow sounds hard!!!
ReplyDeleteMaybe there is something in her past that is troubling her, like she lost someone she loves dearly and she doesn't want it to happen to you??
I hope it settles down over there! Maybe you, Katia and Mei could camp outside for a night or in the lounge room or something so Mei can get to know Katia better????
Hope this helps
Neri ;D
That's tough, Keesha. :(
ReplyDeleteOur suggestions, which you can take or leave, are:
We would really recommend family counseling, like we mentioned in our last post. All of us have gone to therapy at one time or another - some of us still go - and it really helps. Since the problem involves your whole family, we think it would be best if you all went as a group.
Another thing is, be careful not to give Mei opportunities to not talk to Katia. For example, if Mei wants the potatoes passed from Katia's side of the supper table, no one else should intervene; she needs to ask Katia.
At the same time, though, make sure Mei is still getting attention. I know you don't want Katia to feel lonely, but if all the time you used to spend with Mei goes to Katia instead now, Mei will feel replaced. (Hopefully your parents are being careful about this, too.) Make sure Mei understands she's still just as important as ever.
Finally, we think you should do an activity as sisters that is NOT skating. Preferably something you've never done before, so you'll all be equally bad at it. Something where you laugh a lot and get a little messy is ideal. Cooking or baking together can be a good one too. That can be a good way to break the ice.
Hope that helps. We haven't ever had this exact issue, but getting used to a new sister hasn't always been easy, so we can sympathize.
Love,
The Green Girls
I get the whole new sister thing--my sister Rebecca felt like our guardian was replacing her when I came. She got over it, eventually, but I had to take some time to talk to her. Another thing that really helped was finding each other's interests and passions. I find some of them quite odd, as she does mine, but it just makes me love her more. :) I hope Katia and Mei figure out their problems soon!
ReplyDelete<3 Jamie
Hi Keesha,
ReplyDeleteThe Green Girls are right- going to family counseling will really help Katia and Mei transition into your new family structure.
However, Mei needs to understand that right now, Katia has just lost her entire world and is starting anew. Maybe your parents can sit with Mei and let her know that they gave her the same kind of special attention and love when they first adopted her.
P.S. Guess what I had for dinner tonight? Chicken plov! I love Russian food!
I asked my mom about family counseling. She thinks it's a good idea and has already been looking into where we should go.
ReplyDeleteI talked to Mei last night, and we agreed to spend some time every day that's just us. Mom always does that with each of us kids a few times a week, and it helps, so we're going to try it for the two of us. I tried to get her to spend some time just her and Katia, but she's not ready to do it yet. Maybe soon.
Inky, Katia says she's jealous of your dinner!
Thanks for all the advice!